Self-regulation is the ability of an individual to be aware of, monitor, and adjust, if necessary, their behaviors and emotional responses. Self-regulation is a skill that is taught and acquired over the course of childhood, although it is sad how many adults have not mastered the art of self-regulation (just consider road rage)! Self-regulation (or emotional regulation) is not the absence of feelings or emotions – it is the ability to manage them and display them appropriately. Ultimately, self-regulation includes the acceptance of negative thoughts and emotions as normal but with the understanding that they must be coped with, and expressed, in appropriate ways.
Self-regulation is a normal aspect of growing up and is especially important in the lives of toddlers, pre-schoolers and school-aged children. Self-regulation requires the child to gradually learn what are, and are not, socially acceptable behaviors. For example, we expect two-year-olds to throw temper tantrums (sometimes in public); however, the same outburst from a five- or six-year-old meets with social disapproval. We expect a five-year-old to show outward disappointment at losing a T-ball game, but twelve-year-olds should be able to accept a loss more graciously.
There are consequences of not having adequate self-regulation. Children who do not learn to successfully manage their behaviors and cope with their emotions are at increased risk for social rejection, particularly in settings such as school, church, sports, or in the community. Children who have poor self-regulation are much more likely to be unpopular with their peers and adults. Research has demonstrated that children with poor self-regulation are much more likely to grow into adults who face employment challenges and have a higher than average divorce rate.
Self-regulation is developed when parents take an active role in their child’s life. Parents who monitor their child’s behavior and explicitly teach them appropriate ways to handle situations and circumstances, assist the child in developing self-regulation. Teaching self-regulation is a gradual process. During the younger years, parents must be actively engaged in this training. Responsibility for self-regulation is gradually turned over to the child and marks their emerging maturity and independence.
