I. Introduction to Single Parenting – Although raising children is a very rewarding job, doing it by yourself as a single parent can be an exhausting struggle, filled with frequent and destructive levels of stress (Mc Adoo, 1995).
A. Many factors have increased the number of single parent families.
1. The divorce rates have increased dramatically since the 1960s and 1970s.
2. Huge increase in unmarried mothers.
a. The practices of marrying to legitimate pregnancies as well as cohabitating varies at different rates among ethnicities and therefore influences the number of unwed mothers within the different ethnic groups (Raley, 1999).
i. Roughly 70% of births to African American mothers, 40% of births to Latina mothers, and 20% of births to European American mothers are to unmarried women (U.S. Census Bureau, 2005b).
b. The decision to keep children born out of wedlock has increased.
3. There has been a substantial increase in the number of mothers who are separated from their spouses but not divorced.
4. Many single adults have decided to have or adopt children.
B. Several affects of single-parenting
Amato and Keith (1991)
1. The absence of one parent means that children lose a role model, a source of parental help and emotional support, and a supervisor.
a. For example, a single parent may have to choose between helping one child complete an important paper or watching another child perform in a school play. He/she cannot do both, and one child will miss out.
2. Single-parent families experience economic hardship, which creates stress and often means that activities once taken for granted are no longer affordable (Goodman, Emery, & Haugaard, 1998). Also, because of financial stress, the parent has less energy and effort to devote to parenting.
3. Many divorced single parents report complex feelings such as: a. Frustration, failure, guilt, a need to be overindulgent (Lamanna & Riedmann, 2003)
b. Loneliness (Anderson et al., 2004)
c. Guilt, which may lead to attempts to make up for the child’s lack of a father or mother.
II. Single-Mother Families
A. Financial difficulties
1. While about 13% of U.S. families with two parents have incomes below the poverty line, nearly half of all families headed by single women live in poverty (U.S. Census Bureau, 1997).
2. If the mother did not graduate from high school, the likelihood that the family income will be below the poverty level is almost 90% (Children’s Defense Fund, 1992).
B. Children who grow up in poverty in a home headed only by a mother are at risk in many ways (McLoyd & Wilson, 1990).
1. They will most likely have lower social and economic status;
2. Live in crowded housing and move frequently;
3. Be fed skimpy and nutritionally poor meals;
4. Lack in medical care;
5. Have psychologically stressed mothers who are not able to be fully supportive and attentive parents because of their struggle for survival; 6. Be less likely than other children to improve their socioeconomic status when they become adults
7. And, finally, they are more likely to become single parents themselves (McLanahan & Booth, 1989)
C. The single-mother’s job situation greatly affects her relationships with her children.
1. When mothers in single-parent families work at jobs that they like, their children have greater self-esteem and a greater sense of family organization and togetherness compared to children whose mothers do not work or who work at jobs that they intensely dislike (Alessandri, 1992).
2. Working single mothers have an especially strong impact on their daughters, and place greater emphasis on independence and achievement than mothers who do not work (Alessandri, 1992).
3. Mothers experiencing unemployment and/or work interruption show symptoms of depression, resulting in more frequent punishing of children and greater signs of cognitive distress and depression in their children (McLoyd et al., 1994).
D. Social support
1. Mc Loyd et al., (1994) found that mothers who perceived that tangible help was available, in the form of goods and services from someone outside of their family, had fewer depressive symptoms, felt better about their role as mothers, and punished their children less.
2. Another study found that while younger mothers experienced positive effects with a live-in grandmother, older mothers were more likely to provide more positive parenting when they did not live in a three- generation household. Also, part-time grandmothers provided better parenting and social support than grandmothers who lived in the same family unit (Chase-Landsdale, Brooks-Gunn, & Zamsky, 1994).
3. Black and Hispanic people who live in poverty are more likely to live in intergenerational households (Harrison et al., 1990; Jackson, antonucci, & Gibson, 1990).
a. because it provides additional financial, psychological, and social resources to the mother.
b. On the negative side, it decreases the likelihood of receiving public assistance (Folk, 1996).
II. Single- Father Families
A. Experience the same problems and tensions as single mothers, but are usually better off financially (Hetherington & Camara, 1984).
B. Most single fathers maintain high levels of emotional involvement with their children, are heavily invested in and committed to their care, and worry about failing them or not spending enough time with them.
C. Their parenting experience before singlehood does not always prepare them for the demands they face when they must maintain a job and a family simultaneously.
D. Many fathers have the same feelings of loneliness and depression that single mothers have.
E. They also find it is difficult to maintain an active circle of friends and other sources of emotional support (Pichitino, 1983)
III. Here are Nine Guidelines for Parenting for all you single parents out there:
Olson & Haynes (1993)
A. Many of you parents have probably already figured most of these guidelines out, so please take them as encouragers to keep doing what you are already doing. If you hear any new advice, please consider ways that you can apply them to your daily life.
1. Accept the responsibilities and challenges that come with being a single parent, and maintain a positive attitude and the feeling that solutions are possible.
2. Give the role of being a parent high priority in your life. Successful single parents are willing to sacrifice time, money, and energy to meet their children’s needs.
3. Use consistent, nondestructive discipline. Many parents do not have the drive or the energy to handle disciplinary issues properly and their child suffers as a result.
4. Emphasize open communication. Encourage trust and open expression of feelings. Your child has gone or is going through a difficult time in their lives and it is very important that they talk about it.
5. Foster individuality within a supportive family unit. Find out what their strengths are and enroll them in programs that will help develop those strengths. Then find other parents that you can carpool with.
6. Recognize the need for self-nurturance. Parents must understand the need to take care of themselves in order to be able to help their children.
7. Emphasize rituals and traditions, including bedtime routines, holiday celebrations, and special family activities.
8. Do not allow your child to take on the parenting role.
a. It is not uncommon for children, especially the oldest, to fill in the role of caregiver when their parent is unable to take care of themselves as well as their children.
9. Do not allow the parent/child paradigm to change
a. Some single parents make the mistake of trying to be peers to their children, using inconsistent discipline, or, if they are the noncustodial parent, of spoiling their children with lots of monetary or material goods. Be consistent with your discipline. If you are divorced, try to establish with your Ex disciplinary ground rules that you will both stay consistent on, so that your child will not learn they can get away from their responsibilities.
B. You single parents have a tough job. Continue to do your best to raise your children to be intelligent, moral, and productive members of society.
Resources
Alessandri, S. M. (1992). Effects of maternal work status in single-parent families on children’s perception of self and family and school environment. Journal of Experimental Child Psychology, 54, 417-433.
Amato, P. R., and Keith B. (1991). Parental divorce and the well-being of children: A meta-analysis. Psychological Bulletin, 110, 26-46.
Anderson, E. R., Greene, S. M., Walker, L., Malerba, C., Forgatch, M. S., and DeGarmo, D. S. (2004).Ready to take a chance again: Transitions into dating among divorced parents. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 40, 61-75.
Chase-Lansdale, P. L., Brooks-Gunn, J., and Zamsky, E. S. (1994). Young African-American multigenerational families in poverty: Quality of mothering and grandmothering. Child Development, 65, 373-393.
Craig, G. J. and Baucum, D. (1996). Human Development (9th ed.). Upper Saddle River, NJ: Prentice Hall.
Folk (1996)
Goodman, G. S., Emery, R. E., and Haugaard, J. J. (1998). Developmental psychology and law: Divorce, child maltreatment, foster care, and adoption. In W. Damon (Ed.), Handbook of child psychology (Vol. 4). New York: Wiley.
Harrison, A. O., Wilson, M. N., Pince, C. J., Chan, S. Q., and Buriel, R. (1990). Family ecologies of ethnic minority children. Child Development, 61, 347-362.
Hetherington, E. M., and Camara, K. A. (1984). Families in transition: The process of dissolution and reconstitution. In R. D. Parke (Ed.), Review of child development research (Vol. 7). New York: Russell Sage Foundation.
Jackson, J., Antonucci, T., and Gibson, R. (1990). Cultural, racial, and ethnic minority influences on aging. In J. Birren & K. W. Schaie (Eds.), Handbook of the psychology of aging (3rd ed.). San Diego: Academic Press.
Kail, R. V., and Cavanaugh J. C. (2007). Human Development: A life-span view (4th ed). Belmont, CA: Wadsworth.
Lamanna, M. A., and Riedmann, A. (2003). Marriages and families: Making choices in a diverse society (8th ed.). Belmont, CA: Wadsworth.
Mc Adoo, H. P. (1995). Stress levels, family help patterns, and religiosity in middle- and working-class African American single mothers. Journal of Black Psychology, 21, 424-449.
McLanahan, S., and Booth, K. (1989). Mother-only families: Problems, prospects, and politics. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 51, 557-580.
McLoyd, V. C., Jayaratne, T. E., Ceballo, R., and Borquez, J. (1994). Unemployment and work interruption among African American single mothers: Effects on parenting and adolescent socioemotional functioning. Child Development, 65, 562-589.
McLoyd, V. C. and Wilson, L. (1990). Maternal behavior, social support, and economic conditions as predictors of distress in children. New directions for child development, 46. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.
Olson, M. R. and Haynes, J. A. (1993). Successful single parents. Families in Society: The Journal of Contemporary Human Services, 74, 259-267.
Pichitino, J. P. (1983). Profile of the single father: A thematic integration of the literature. Personnel and Guidance Journal, 61, 295-300.
