We all want our children to have the best possible opportunity for happy and fulfilling lives. Few of us, however, fully grasp the connection between the way we handle today’s temper tantrum or misbehavior and our child’s future happiness. Whether you realize it or not your parenting style likely fits one of four parenting models: authoritative, authoritarian, permissive, or indifferent. Of the four styles, authoritative parenting produces the best outcome during childhood and into adulthood.
You might be wondering what makes an authoritative parent so successful. Authoritative parents are able to achieve a good balance between two dimensions of parenting: warmth and control. Authoritative parents provide lots of warmth and affection for their children. They provide encouragement, respond to their child’s emotional needs, and spend lots of time with them. Authoritative parents also provide lots of firm control and maintain high expectations for their children. They encourage age-appropriate levels of autonomy, have good communication, and set reasonable limits on their child’s behavior. Authoritative parents are consistent and allow their children to learn from their mistakes. In other words, they avoid rescuing the child from the consequences of their choices and actions.
Research has revealed both short-term (childhood) and long term (adulthood) effects from our parenting style. As children, those raised in an authoritative household tend to be the best adjusted overall. They are more self-reliant and demonstrate more self-control. Children from authoritative households are more socially competent, more popular with peers and adults, and have higher self-esteem. They are more cooperative with adults, cope better with stressors, and exhibit more curiosity. Children from authoritative homes tend to have the best overall school performance as well. Children from authoritative homes are more likely to delay sexual activity and are not as likely to use tobacco, alcohol, or illegal drugs.
As adults, children who have grown up in an authoritative household also have the best outcomes. They tend to be the best adjusted adults, demonstrate good communication skills, and are more liked and respected by their peers. As adults they tend to gravitate toward high-status jobs and careers (doctors, lawyers, etc.) that rely on leadership qualities. Adults, who as children were raised in an authoritative household, report having more successful marriages that are happy. These adults also report fewer divorces. Not only are they happier in their marriages but they are more likely to report high career satisfaction.
Not surprisingly, being an authoritative parent takes time and effort on our part. The benefits; however, of a happy home and healthy future for our children far outweigh the cost of parental investment in terms of time and energy.
