I. Introduction: Divorce has grown in its prevalence since the 1960s and 1970s. As of the 1997 census, about half of all U.S. marriages end in divorce (Amato, 2001). This means that over a million U.S. children experience the breakup of their families each year (U.S. Census Bureau, 1997). Unfortunately, this has many repercussions in the lives of our children.
II. Effects of divorce on children’s lives.
A. When researcher Amato (2001; Amato & Keith 1991) compiled nearly 200 studies on divorce, involving tens of thousands of preschool- through college-age children, he found that in school achievement, conduct, adjustment, self-concept, and parent-child relations, children whose parents had divorced fared poorly compared to children from intact families (Amato 2001).
~ Why is that?
B. Divorce has Psychological Consequences
1. By the time a divorce is final, children may have heard divorce spoken (or shouted) in their homes for months or even years, often accompanied by anger, fights, and crying. Even very young children know when their parents’ relationship is disturbed.
2. When one parent finally leaves, it is not uncommon for children to:
a. be fearful that the other parent will also abandon them;
b. feel sad, confused, angry, or anxious;
c. be depressed or disruptive at home or at school;
d. feel that they are to blame for the divorce (Were it not for something they did wrong, maybe their parents would still be together.);
e. try to bring their parents back together, perhaps by being very good;
f. and fantasize about a reconciliation (Hetherington, 1992; Hetherington, Stanley-Hagan, & Anderson, 1989; Wallerstein, Corbin, & Lewis 1988).
3. Some parents complicate things even further by not being sure about their divorce at first, perhaps making failed attempts to get back together and falsely raising their children’s hopes.
C. Relationships with both parents change during and after a divorce.
(Hetherington et al., 1989)
1. Children may become defiant and argumentative.
2. Adolescents may disengage themselves emotionally.
3. Often children are forced to serve as sounding boards for their parents, listening to each parent criticize the other at length.
4. The children may be at the center of a custody battle and may be asked to choose sides.
5. The parents may compete for their children’s affection and try to bribe them with gifts or privileges.
6. Parents often are under considerable stress right after the divorce and may be incapable of providing warmth or control; they may be less affectionate, inconsistent in applying discipline, uncommunicative, or unsupportive.
7. Children may become upset when their parents start new relationships.
a. For example, a boy who is living with his mother may take over the role of “man of the house” and feel threatened when a “rival” appears on the scene.
D. Important factors that determine how children react to divorce:
1. Age of the child
a. Although the overall impact of divorce is the same for boys and girls, divorce is more harmful when it occurs during childhood and adolescence than during the preschool or college years (Amato & Keith, 1991).
2. The personality of the child
a. Children who are temperamentally more emotional tend to be more affected by divorce (Lengua et al., 1999).
~ ex: If a parent forgets to pick his child up after school, the child that assumes the parent had something unexpected come up will handle divorce better than the child that assumes the parent does not like him and purposely left him at school (Mazur et al., 1999).
3. The amount of hostility and bitterness accompanying the divorce.
a. When parents fight, children’s sense of well-being is lowered and they develop feelings of fear and anger. They are especially vulnerable when they are forced to choose between their parents (Amato, 1993).
b. Ongoing squabbles or legal battles over custody, division of property, child support, visitation, or child-care arrangements make the situation much more difficult for both children and parents (Rutter & Garmezy, 1983).
c. Many of the problems ascribed to divorce are really caused by marital conflict occurring before the divorce (Erel & Burman, 1995; Shaw, Winslow, & Flanagan, 1999). Children whose parents are married but fight constantly often show many of the same effects associated with divorce (Katz & Woodin, 2002).
4. The amount of actual change in the child’s life.
a. Children’s adjustment problems are likely to be less severe if they continue to live in the same home, attend the same school, and have the same friends after the divorce.
b. On the other hand, children’s adjustment problems are likely to be more severe if their daily life is disrupted in major ways (like moving back and forth from one parent’s household to the other’s, losing friends, and entering a new school), resulting in the likely shaking of their self- confidence and sense of order.
i. In other words, the more changes a child is forced to make, especially in the period immediately following the divorce, the more difficult the adjustment (Hetherington & Camara, 1984).
5. The nature of the parent-child relationship.
a. Long-term involvement and emotional support from both parents help considerably. Some researchers have observed that the nature of ongoing parent-child interactions is much more important than whether both parents are present in the home (Rutter & Garmezy, 1983). In fact, sometimes children of divorce are better off than they would have been had their parents stayed together and continued to argue and fight.
E. Consequences in Daily Life
1. The child’s life has been disrupted and is now unpredictable. Therefore, confusion is very common immediately after the divorce, especially for children between ages 5 and 7.
2. As a result, they tend to test rules and routines that used to be in place to see if they are still there. This is manifested in behavioral problems at home and at school. Keep the line firm, and remind them that the rules still apply.
3. The first year following a divorce is often rocky for parents and children alike. But beginning in the second year, most children begin to adjust to their new circumstances (Hetherington & Kelly, 2002). The pace of their adjustment is influenced by how well their parents cooperate with each other, especially on disciplinary matters (Buchanan & Heiges, 2001).
III. How enduring are the effects of Divorce on Children?
A. Researchers Mavis Hetherington and Margaret Stanley-Hagan (1999) found that the negative effects on many children of divorce and the corresponding negative behaviors of these children are minimal and relatively temporary, but many other children suffer emotionally, socially, and academically.
B. Even for children who initially appear to cope well with divorce, serious adjustment problems sometimes emerge later, during adolescence and the attainment of puberty.
C. Compared to peers in nondivorced homes, adolescents in divorced families are two to three times as likely to drop out of school, to become pregnant, or to engage in antisocial and delinquent behavior. Similar behavior may continue into young adulthood.
1. As adults, children of divorce are more likely, but not destined, to experience conflict in their own marriages, to have negative attitudes toward marriage, and to become divorced themselves. Also, they report less satisfaction with life and are more likely to become depressed (Hetherington & Kelly, 2002; Segrin, Taylor, & Altman, 2005).
D. However, if the divorce was to get away from a disruptive or abusive home environment, the children then may instead benefit from it.
IV. In the long run…
A. Although most children are quite resilient and adaptive in dealing with their parents’ divorce (influenced greatly by how well the parents handle the situation) affects of the divorce are still displayed into adulthood.
B. Unless you are in a dangerous situation, please exhaust all other resources before coming to the conclusion that a divorce is needed. As you are probably aware, divorce is not something to take lightly and it greatly impacts the lives of your children as well as your own.
Resources
Amato, P. R. (1993). Children’s adjustment to divorce: Theories, hypotheses, and empirical support. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 55, 23-38.
Amato, P. R. (2001). Children of divorce in the 1990s: An update of the Amato and Keith (1991) meta-analysis. Journal of Family Psychology, 15, 335-370.
Buchanan, C. M., and Heiges, K. L. (2001). When conflict continues after the marriage ends: Effects of postdivorce conflict on children. In J. Grych & F. D. Finchham (Eds.), Interparental conflict and child development (pp. 337-362). New York: Cambridge University Press.
Erel, O., and Burman, B. (1995). Interrelatedness of marital relations and parent-child relations: A meta-analytic review. Psychological Bulletin, 118, 108-132.
Hetherington, E. M. (1992). Coping with marital transitions: A family systems perspective. Monographs of the Society for Research in Child Development, 57, 1-14.
Hetherington, E. M. and Camara, K. A. (1984). Families in transition: The process of dissolution and reconstitution. In R. D. Parke (Ed.), Review of child development research (Vol. 7). New York: Russell Sage Foundation.
Hetherington, E. M., and Kelly, J. (2002). For better or for worse: Divorce reconsidered. New York: W. W. Norton.
Hetherington, M., and Stanely-Hagan, M. (1999). The adjustment of children with divorced parents: A risk and resiliency perspective. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 40, 129-140.
Hetherington, E. M., Stanley-Hagan, M., and Anderson E. R. (1989). Marital transitions: A child’s perspective. American Psychologist, 44, 303-312.
Katz, L. F., and Woodin, E. M. (2002). Hostility, hostile detachment, and conflict engagement in marriages: Effects on child and family functioning. Child Development, 73, 636-652.
Lengua, L. J., Sandler, I. N., West, S. G., Wolchik, S. A., and Curran, P. J. (1999). Emotionality and self-regulation, threat appraisal, and coping in children of divorce. Development & Psychopathology, 11, 15-37.
Mazur, E., Wolchik, S. A., Virdin, L., Sandler, I. N., and West, S. G. (1999). Cognitive moderators of children’s adjustment to stressful divorce events: The role of negative cognitive errors and positive illusions. Child Development, 70, 231-245.
Rutter, M., and Garmezy, N. (1983). Developmental psychopathology. In P. H. Mussen (Ed.), Handbook of child psychology (Vol. 4). New York: Wiley.
Segrin, C., Taylor, M. E., and Altman, J. (2005). Social cognitive mediators and relational outcomes associated with parental divorce. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 22, 361-377.
Shaw, D. S., Winslow, E. B., and Flanagan, C. (1999). A prospective study of the effects of marital status and family relations on young children’s adjustment among African American and European American families. Child Development, 70, 742-755.
Wallerstein, J., Corbin, S. B., and Lewis, J. M. (1988). Children of divorce: A ten-year study. In E. M. Hetherington & J. arasteh (Eds.), Impact of divorce, single-parenting, and stepparenting on children. Hillsdale, NJ: Erlbaum.
